Blog Directions?

Meher Baba, Meher Baba. Doing the Jin Sheng Blues. I awake at 3AM, having been awake maybe five times previously this morning. I came in here to write out of a hope that I can fire this spark to become the producer, eventually, of some spiritual work. Some creative work. I am unable to do much in my daily work setting. In fact I am impressed at the moment with the stifling quality of my work environment. Thus it is necessary that I journal. I need the conversations, at least with myself, that will advance my thinking, so that eventually I might have something to say.

For me now, there are two themes that I have not reconciled.

First, the drive to understand, to analyze and broaden my reference framework far enough to stand on truly new ground. This has been a push for most of my adult life, and probably should have by now resulted in my earning a job professoring somewhere. It appeals all the time, speaking to me in bookstores especially: the hope that I could be the pioneer: the spokesman for all of us. I could be some minor messiah.

Then there is my other drive: not to be a minor messiah, but to follow and burn myself in surrender to the major Messiah. Meher Baba looms large in my daily life. I look at him am meditate. I read his life, and silently reflect on his name. There is relatively little chance for intellectual breakthroughs. Meher Baba has been described as a philosopher, but this label doesn’t appear to fit him. He is often wise, in a prophetic sense, and lovely, and intuitive, and even shows extrasensory responsiveness. But he is not wise in a worldly way, at least to me at this point.

Is there a meeting of these two strands? Does the first path of worldly wisdom lead inevitably to Meher Baba? Hardly, I should say.

Then to consider the contrary, does the mystical, devotional path necessarily block (at least the worldly) aspirations of the mind? There are indications that this is the case. Meher Baba’s followers have produced some good poetry. I cannot judge the art or music. But it all centers on devotion to Baba. Meher Baba was often opposed to his followers pursuing political goals. I am aware of no no brilliant social commentators nor journalists who espouse the cause of Meher Baba while producing decisive critical writing, with the possible exception of Francis Brabazon. Most of all, there seems to be little genuine, critical, introspective writing about the experience of loving Baba.

So this, then, suggests itself as a possible contribution: bringing the modern critical, introspective, perhaps even deconstructive sensibility to the experience of loving Baba. This can be of little value, I fear, to the “religious shopper.” I have never quite understood why someone who has not been bitten with Baba love would come to Him. Certainly the type of writing I'm thinking about would do little to advertise Baba love as a new religion. But Baba often said He came to establish no new religion. The more pungent question is, would such writing be disrespectful, or abrasive within the Baba love community? I think it might be, but there is a reason why that might not matter as much as one might think. Baba often promulgated opposition. He also suggested complete honesty, if ventured sincerely. And Baba love is as tough as old tree roots. Look at the mandali!